I have never thought I would be asked the first question in this letter. Is a parent’s permission necessary for a young person to declare his or her acceptance of Islam? Every Muslim knows that Ali was the first young person to embrace Islam in its very early days. At the time Ali was only 10 years old. His father Abu Talib, who was the Prophet’s uncle never embraced Islam as a faith despite his protection of the Prophet, peace be upon him, against his enemies.

Has anybody heard that the Prophet, peace be upon him, told him to consult his parents first? The whole idea is absurd. If one wants to believe in God, would he wait for anyone’s permission? If the permission is not granted, would he continue to follow his old faith, whether it is pagan, polytheistic or whatever? The Qur’an denounces the non-believers in Arabia who declared that they would continue to follow the faith of their forefathers, putting to them the question: "What if your fathers are devoid of knowledge and understanding?" When a person declares his acceptance of Islam and states that he believes that "there is no deity except God, and Muhammad is God’s messenger", that person is a Muslim no matter who objects and who is happy.

If a Muslim woman elopes with a non-Muslim and marries him according to the civil law in the country, that marriage is not valid from the Islamic point of view. If she declares herself to be a believer in that man’s religion, then she is an apostate. She is no longer a Muslim, and her marriage is of no concern to Islam. However, if she decides to come back to Islam, her decision must be based on conviction that Islam is the true faith. When she declares herself to be a Muslim again, we take her word as true. If she persuades her husband to do likewise, we should accept both of them as new Muslims.

Every possible help should be extended to them to make their settlement in their new life as a Muslim couple smooth and easy. In fact, whatever may help them to establish a new Muslim home should be given to them. Their marriage needs no new solemnization, as the Prophet, peace be upon him, accepted all marriages of non-believers as valid when couple accepted Islam together. He did not order any couple to remarry each other, as it were. If the couple have decided to come back to Islam, the woman’s family should accept her and her marriage, putting no impediment in their way. An authentic Hadith states that "embracing Islam wipes away what was done previously." This means that when the woman has returned to Islam, she is to be treated as new Muslim. Her past error should be forgiven. It is wrong of her family to try to punish her in any way.

What you have pointed out is certainly correct. Ostentation [display or bragging] is shunned in all matters, but most of all in religious practices. Moreover, we are instructed not to judge people by the appearances they put out. A man spoke highly of a person he knew in front of the Caliph Umar ibn Al-Khattab. Umar questioned him about how well he knew the other person, asking if he was his next door neighbor, or if he had any financial transactions, or gone on a trip with that man.

When he answered in the negative to all three situations, Umar said, "Then you might have seen him in the mosque moving his head up and down as he recited the Qur'an?" This time the man answered in the affirmative. Umar told him: "You do not really know him."

In this case we have a testimonial rejected by Umar, who was endowed with an exceptional insight into the Islamic faith, simply because it was based on an acquaintance in the mosque where the person concerned was in the habit of reciting the Qur'an.

It had no basis in actions and practices that relate to dealings with fellow human beings. The Prophet, peace be upon him, defines true faith as how a believer deals with other people. That is the true test of whether a person is truly religious or not. It is always easy to pray and fast, but to observe a strict code of values in day-to-day affairs, overcoming the natural tendency to put one's own interest first, is not so easy.

Worship is meant to enhance one's consciousness of God so that one always remembers that he will inevitably face the reckoning on the day of judgment when God will ask him about his actions. Only those actions which are undertaken purely to please God earn the highest reward.

Hence the Prophet, peace be upon him, encourages us to keep voluntary worship private. In Islam, the obligatory part of worship may be done in public. Congregational prayers are held in mosques for the obligatory prayer, but voluntary prayer is better done at home. If you are fasting voluntarily, as all of us are encouraged to do, it is reprehensible to talk about your fasting to others.

The most rewarding voluntary prayer is the one done at night, in the privacy of your own home, when other people are asleep. In such a situation, you appeal to God feeling that you are so close to him. The Prophet, peace be upon him, says: "The best type of remembering God is that done in secret." As you may be aware, we are all encouraged to remember God all the time, glorifying and praising Him, but such remembrance produces the best effect on us when no one sees or feels we are doing it. If it is left between a person and his Lord, it is bound to improve his behavior. It also earns the richest reward. The Prophet, peace be upon him, also mentions seven types of shelter on the day of judgment, when there is no shelter other than the one He provides for those with whom He is pleased.

Among these are "a person whose eyes are tearful when he remembers God in private." His tears are a mark of his firm belief in God and the day of judgment. If his tears flow when he remembers God in the company of people, he may be pretending, or he may be trying to demonstrate that he is a firm believer.

But when he is tearful at a time when no one sees him other than his Lord, he is a genuine believer who worries that his sins may be too grave and numerous to merit forgiveness by God.