Zaid ibn Haritha was a young child when he was kidnapped by fighters who raided the living quarters of his tribe when their men were out on their business. Zaid was sold as a slave and he ended up in Makkah when he was given as a gift by her uncle to Khadeejah, who later was married to Muhammad, her third husband. At that time, he was 25 years of age. Lady Khadeejah was a rich woman who married Muhammad, having learned much about his character which filled her with admiration. At that time, Muhammad was being carefully prepared by Allah for his forthcoming mission as the last prophet to be sent to mankind. Needless to say, neither he nor Khadeejah knew anything at that time. Prophet-hood came 15 years after his marriage.

Khadeejah made a gift of Zaid to her husband so that he would have a good servant.

Zaid's father was full of grief when he learned of what had happened to his son. He tried hard to find out where he was carried to. Perhaps, it was a few years before he learned that Zaid was in Makkah, a slave in one of its most distinguished households. He, therefore, traveled with his brother hoping to buy his son's freedom. When they spoke to Muhammad about Zaid, they requested him to agree to sell Zaid back to them and to accept a reasonable price for him. He made them a different offer saying: "I will charge you nothing. If he prefers to stay with me, I will not part with anyone who prefers my company." They said: "This is indeed a very reasonable offer." When Zaid was called in, Muhammad asked him whether he recognized the two men. On receiving an affirmative answer, Muhammad offered him the choice of going back or staying with him. Unhesitatingly, Zaid chose to stay with Muhammad saying to his father and his uncle, "I have seen things of this man which make me keen never to part with him." When Zaid made his choice, Muhammad took him by the hand and went to the Ka'aba where he addressed the people present saying to them: "Bear witness that I have adopted Zaid as a son who will inherit me and I will inherit him." Zaid's father was gratified and he went back home with his brother.

This is how the adoption of Zaid by the Prophet came to pass, long before he became a prophet. Ever since that day, Zaid was called in Makkah and everywhere else as "Zaid ibn Muhammad." This continued to be the case throughout the 13 years during which the Prophet preached his message in Makkah and in the early years of his stay in Madinah. It was later that the verses of the Qur'an which speak of adoption were revealed. These make it clear that adoption is prohibited and that every adopted son or daughter must be called after his or her real father. This automatically abrogated the adoption of Zaid who reverted to his original name, Zaid ibn Haritha, in compliance with Allah's orders.

On the other hand, people may take into their family an orphan child, or one who belongs to a very poor family, and bring it up, giving that child the sort of care and education they would give to their own children. They have no motive to do so other than to be kind to that child. They do not try to claim the child as their own, nor do they give it their own family name. That is a great act of charity, for which God rewards very generously.

My reader points out a practical problem when a family brings up an orphan child. That is the problem of mobility. If the family wants to travel, what would they do with the child in their care? In many countries, they would not be allowed to travel with the child, and many would not give the child a visa, along with the rest of the family. But it is not merely travel that may be an obstacle. There are similar problems that may have repercussions for both the child and the family. Legal adoption, as practiced in Western societies, would put an end to these problems once and for all, because it gives the family the facility to produce documents and papers which would show the child as belonging to that family.

I know a childless couple who were keen to do whatever they could to children who had no family. They were regular visitors to an orphanage in their hometown, where they helped the staff and looked after children. On one of their visits, they were introduced to a new child who was brought in after her grandmother had died, with both her parents having died earlier. They immediately fell in love with the child who also seemed to be fond with them. She would not let go of them. They sought permission of the orphanage authorities to take her home for a few days. Then it was emotionally impossible for them to take her back to the orphanage. They decided to bring her up themselves. The idea of legal adoption did not occur to them, because they knew that it was forbidden in Islam. They arranged for special entries in the government offices concerned that they were looking after the child, but that was the beginning of their troubles. Endless formalities at every step meant that they were always going to and from the government offices, seeking one permission to do this and another to do that. They tried hard with the authorities to find a formula where they could be left in peace to look after the child and give her the best upbringing they could, but that was not possible. What added to their problem was the fact that the man was not based in his own country, as he worked for an international company. When his problems mounted, he felt that the only alternative to abandoning the child was to adopt her formally and to have her added to his passport. When he did that, all his troubles came to an end.

In the Qur'an God states this rule: "An adulterer may not be married except to an adulteress or a non-believer, and an adulteress woman may not be married except to an adulterer or a non-believer. Forbidden is that to believers." (24; 3)

So the first thing you and your cousin should do in order to be able to marry each other is to repent for your sin, pray for God's mercy and forgiveness, and resolve not to commit adultery at all in the future. What is encouraging in your letter is the fact that you realize that you have been so deep in the wrong and you wonder whether you can still earn God's forgiveness.

Let me tell you that God does not close the door to forgiveness as long as we believe in Him and do not associate any partners with Him. Addressing every human being, He says in a Sacred, i.e. Qudsi, Hadith: "If you come to Me with an earth load of sins, but associating no partners with Me, I come to you with an earth load of forgiveness." So the gravity of the sin is no barrier to God's mercy, provided that the repentance is genuine and sincere, and also based on believing in God's oneness.

Moreover, repentance should be given credence, not only by avoiding committing the same sin again, but also by doing good deeds, such as giving money to the poor, night worship, doing the pilgrimage and the Umrah, voluntary fasting, helping people without looking for any reward from them. The more you do of voluntary good action, the greater your reward is. When your reward outweighs your sins, then God's forgiveness is assured. To encourage you on the way to genuine repentance, let me remind you that God credits every good action with at least 10 times its value, while He records against us only those forbidden actions we may commit, as they are worth. That makes earning God's forgiveness easy once a person is determined to achieve it.