Are parents responsible for their children's bad deeds? People say that if something bad happens to their children in their young age that is caused by the parents' bad deeds, and if their children do not look after them in their old age, it is because of some deed they had done. Please comment.
There is a statement repeated three times in the Qur'an to provide maximum emphasis. It says: "No soul shall bear the burden of another." This applies to parents and children in as much as it applies to unrelated people. Hence, no one is made to suffer on account of another person's bad deeds. It does not fit with divine justice that a child comes to harm because his father has committed so many evil acts, or that a parent is ill-treated on account of his children's bad deeds. The proper thing which is enforced in this world and throughout the universe is that God holds everyone to account for his or her own deeds.
Having said that, I should add that God may inflict punishment on some people in this life in order to make them an example so that others may take heed and refrain from willful disobedience. This means that they are made to suffer for their own deeds, and their suffering is limited to themselves.
In other words, if God decides to inflict punishment on someone, he does not make that suffering through evil befalling that person's children or parents. To do so does not fit in with God's justice.
• Children: Restricting the number of children
In a discussion with friends recently, some of us were of the opinion that there should be no restriction on the number of pregnancies or child-bearing. Others insisted on allowing time between every two pregnancies to give the mother a chance to recover and the child a chance to grow up more healthy. They said that temporary methods may be used for this purpose. Is this permissible?
Experienced and honest doctors are unanimous in their view that pregnancy spacing, which means allowing two or three years between each two pregnancies is important for the health of the mother. It allows her time to recover her strength before she goes through another pregnancy which adds a significant burden on her health. They allow that frequent pregnancies, particularly by women in poor areas, may expose the mother to a number of health risks. Women who have several pregnancies in quick succession may suffer under-nourishment which aggravates the risk to which they are exposed. Since this has been proven beyond doubt, it is permissible, from the Islamic point of view, to take any legitimate steps which are calculated to give the mother a better standard of health.
It is only common sense to say that a mother with a young baby will be able to take better care of her young child if she is not pregnant than she can do during pregnancy. She can better breast-feed and take good care of the child during illness. This child will benefit a great deal if the mother is free to devote more time. In the light of the foregoing, it is both desirable and preferable to allow a period of time, such as 2-3 years between each two pregnancies.
Indeed Allah has helped make such pregnancy spacing easier by stating that the full term of breast feeding is two years. This encourages mothers to breast-feed their newborn children for two complete years. The majority of women do not get pregnant while breast-feeding, although a substantial proportion of them do. Women in the latter group need a supplementary method of birth control to enjoy a long enough period free of pregnancy. Such methods are permissible to adopt on the individual level, provided they are safe and involve nothing harmful to the woman or to the fetus. Methods which prevent conception are the one to be employed. It has been authentically reported by some of the companions of the Prophet that they used to resort to available methods of birth control and the Prophet did not forbid them that. He told them that such methods could not stop the creation of a human being, if Allah wills him or her to be created.
• Children: Rights of an illegitimate child
May I ask the responsibilities of a man who has a child born to him by an illegitimate relationship? What are the rights of the child? Does the man have to marry the mother? If so, does she need her father's permission to marry him? What about financial support to the child and how far is the father responsible to provide Islamic education to the child?
When a Muslim commits a sin, particularly one which is punishable by a specific punishment, he should not publicize what he has done. Publicity is an additional sin. If he makes a confession of what he had done, the punishment prescribed by Allah must be enforced. To make such a confession is permissible, but the Prophet teaches us that a person who commits a sin should not lift the mantle with which Allah has covered it. Therefore, a person who commits adultery should not publicize that. If he has a child born to him illegitimately and he marries the mother of the child, no one will ask him about the legitimacy of the child.
The relationship between an illegitimate child and his father is broken. That means that neither the child nor the father have any rights or duties toward each other. The two are like strangers. This means that the child does not have the right to be supported by the father, but equally the father cannot require the child to be dutiful to him.
However, the family relationship between the child and his mother is perfectly established and should be observed. The child has all the rights which any child claims from his mother, and so does she from him. He inherits her and she inherits him in the normal way. He must be dutiful to her and she has to support him.
You ask whether a man should or must marry the mother of his illegitimate child. There is an important rule included in Verse 3 of Surah 24 which states: "An adulterous man may only marry an adulterous woman or one who associates partners with Allah; while an adulterous woman may only be married to an adulterous man or one who associates partners with Allah. This is forbidden to believers." Therefore, one may not marry a partner who practices adultery or takes it lightly. If a man or a woman is known to do so, it is not permissible for a Muslim to marry him or her. It is only when such a person repents of his or her past conduct and resolves not to do it again that he or she may be married to a Muslim. In the light of the foregoing, if the man has repented of his sin, he may marry the woman if she has also repented. If both feel that they have done wrong and they want to live a proper life, obeying Allah and his messenger, they may get married and the man is recommended to help the woman keep her error a secret and bring up the child normally.
The marriage of such a woman is the same as the marriage of any other woman. In Islam, she must have her father or guardian present at her marriage.
It is needless to say that every child is entitled to be given proper Islamic education. How else could the father expect the child to avoid the sin which he himself has been guilty of?
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