1. I married a girl in my home town about two years ago. The marriage took place only a couple of days before I left to resume my work here [in the Kingdom]. After the marriage was officially made, I stayed with my wife for a very short period in her family home, because I had no home of my own. I wrote to her father several times but I did not write to her, expecting that she should be the first to write. However, I spoke to her a few times over the phone. Recently, I received a letter from her in which she said that she is seeking a divorce, citing what I have mentioned about my lack of writing and the fact that I did not send her any money as her reasons for the divorce. She wrote the word of divorce three times in her letter and mentioned that she was sending copies to the Marriage Registry Office, Local Administration Office and my local guardian. I am rather confused about what steps should I take. Please advise.
2. It is known and accepted that the authority to divorce is vested only in man. As a Muslim I recognize that Allah has chosen this and I submit. I also understand that there is the proviso of 'Khula' for women in Islam. Is there any situation where a woman may divorce her husband? I would be grateful for your advice.
1. This is the most strange of the stories I have heard since I started editing this column nearly 14 years ago. First a man gets married but the arrangement is that his wife will stay with her family for some time. He goes back and refuses to write to her because he expects her to write first. Then when a letter arrives, the woman takes the law of divorce into her own hands and dismisses him as a divorcee. That is very strange indeed.
May I ask how seriously you looked at this marriage? I do not wish to be too hard on you, because you did not have anything more than the marriage contract followed by a short visit to your wife. It is not as if you stayed together for a month when the marriage became a reality in your life which would have given you memories to cherish in your stay abroad. Perhaps this is nobody's fault, but then you have not taken any steps to start on that road which leads to the establishment of kindness and compassion between married couples. You chose to continue to be worlds apart, not merely physically, but also in thoughts and concerns. You established a rule for yourself that you would not write to her unless she wrote first.
May I ask why? Is it male chauvinism? It is in fact your duty to take the initiative and lead your wife into her new life as a married woman. When a woman is married she moves into her husband's home. So he is duty-bound to make the transition easier for her. In your case this was delayed, so you should have taken even greater interest in order to make the change that affected both your lives a reality, at least in thoughts and feelings. Instead you were waiting for her to write to you. Since she did not, you did not either. How was she to feel that you cared for her? How would she imagine her life with you would be like?
I suppose that any woman in her place would have serious misgivings about what the future would be like when she will have moved into your home. If her impression of you, as a result of this, was one of a hard, un-budging and determined character who does not allow much room in his life for the tender feelings of love and compassion, she may have her reasons for that. If she insisted on her parents that she would like to be divorced or that she would not be forced into putting her marriage into effect, they would have a very difficult time trying to convince her otherwise, simply because, by your own admission, you have not given them any grounds for defending you. Besides, a husband should look after his wife, even when he leaves her with her parents. It is true that you told them to open a bank account for her so that you could send her some money, but no actual transfer had taken place. I do not like to blame you for this, but it remains a fact which would not work in your favor. Had you sent her on the odd occasion some money, or some gifts over the last two years, you would have demonstrated that you cared for her. Again there is a failing on this count.
But all this does not deal with the problem that has now arisen as a result of her letter. What amazes me is that basic facts about how marriage is made and terminated under Islamic law are ignored. People tend to approach such serious matters too casually, particularly divorce. Your wife sends you a letter saying that she has divorced you and does exactly like a man who wants to divorce his wife without reference to the rules which apply to cases of divorce and how it should be approached. What is more, she wants to send copies of this to the government departments concerned with cases of marriage and divorce. In other words, she wants her lack of knowledge to be known to them all.
What she has called a divorce is of no value or consequence whatsoever. A woman may not approach divorce in that manner under Islamic law. She does not have the jurisdiction to initiate divorce in this way. She may start proceeding for divorce or Khula' in a court of Islamic or civil law, but to do the action of divorce herself is not open to her. It is like a man who never learned how to drive a car applying for participation in the world motor racing championship. His application would not be looked at the championship organizing committee.
This divorce is as valid as one which is pronounced by someone who is unmarried. Suppose your brother does not like your wife, so he tells her: "You are divorced." Would his words have any significance? Your wife's letter is as ridiculous as that. So you need not have any worry about the status of your marriage yet.
If your wife really intends to have the marriage terminated, she has to do something quite different. She should apply to a court of law, preferably Islamic law if that is available in your country, requesting the nullification or termination of her marriage. I have no doubt that a court of Islamic law would grant her request when she states the reasons for her application as you yourself have explained them.
Alternatively, she should ask you to divorce her. If the two of you come to an agreement on that, the matter could be resolved and divorce given amicably. If she does not follow either one of these routes, then she remains married to you.
Having said that, let me say a word of advice to you. When a Muslim marries, he commits himself to the fulfillment of certain duties toward his wife. In your case, these have not been done. So it is better that you attend to them without any further delay. You may start by writing her a letter saying that you now realize that you were wrong in omitting to write to her, and that you are working toward settling together soon. You should add that you understand her frustration, but you will now work on bringing about a closer relationship between the two of you. She may be happy to see such a change in you, and perhaps the relationship between the two of you will soon be on the mend.
2. Allah has given the right of divorce to the man in any marriage because it is he who bears all the financial commitments which result from this relationship. He has to pay a dowry to his wife and provide a home for both of them and their children. He has also to support his wife financially, even if she is rich. When a man divorces his wife, he again takes upon himself certain financial commitments. Apart from the payment of her dowry or its balance, if any, he pays her maintenance during her waiting period and gives her a present.
Moreover, when a man who has divorced his wife wishes to marry another woman, he has to pay similar expenses which make the whole idea of divorce and marriage to another woman a very costly affair. Any man would think twice before going through this process because he realizes that it constitutes a heavy burden on him.
A woman does not pay any of these expenses. If she has an income and she shares with her husband the expenses of their married life, it must be known to both of them that she has no obligation to make such a contribution. She does it voluntarily because the benefit goes to her own family. The distribution of financial responsibilities is the main reason for the fact that Islam gives the right to divorce to the man.
This right may, however, be exercised by the wife only if it has been agreed between her and her husband that he relinquishes his right to her. In other words, an express agreement must be entered between them which gives the wife the right to divorce if she wants to do so. If this condition is not stipulated, then the woman cannot divorce her husband either verbally or in writing, in his presence or in his absence.
In order to minimize pilferage and theft in my small farm in my country, I have domesticated a couple of dogs which we keep away from home. Some of my friends, however, have criticized me. They say that as Muslims we cannot have dogs near to us. I am worried that their criticism may be true and that I may have committed a mistake. I would be grateful for your clarification.
Scholars differ as to whether a dog is impure or not. We have an authentic Hadith which tells us to wash a utensil, which a dog uses, seven times; one of them with dust and water. Scholars who maintain that dog is not impure argue that the Hadith does not mention any impurities. It simply orders us to wash the traces of a dog in a certain way. Some scholars who take the opposite view maintain that this ruling is the same which is required to remove the impurity of pigs. As such, the dog must be classified in the same grade with regard to impurity as the pig which is unanimously agreed to be impure. Whichever view one wishes to adopt - and we can adopt a scholar's view only on the basis of the evidence supporting it - we would not like to be too close to dogs so that we do not need to have our clothes and other objects washed in that difficult way which the Hadith mentions.
There are, however, situations where the dog can be of immense use. One such situation is that which you mention in your letter. All scholars agree that it is permissible to use a guard dog in order to protect one's family and property. Again, we can use a dog for hunting without feeling at all uneasy about that.
If one employs a dog for such purposes, one should treat it well, give it food and be kind to it. Islam teaches us to treat our animals in a kind way. When the Prophet saw a weak and thin camel, he said to his companions and to Muslims in all generations: "Fear Allah in your treatment of your animals." A Hadith which explains the proper attitude a Muslim should have toward animals is that which tells the story of a man walking in the desert and getting very thirsty. He was so thirsty that he felt he was sure to die unless he soon found some water to drink. Suddenly he saw a well right in front of him. Having nothing with which to draw from the well, he went down himself and drank his full. When he came out to the top, he found a dog gasping because of thirst. He said to himself: This dog must be as thirsty as I was a few minutes ago. He went down again and filled his shoe with water and brought it up and put it in front of the dog. Allah forgave him all his sins for his kind act to that dog. When the Prophet told this Hadith to his companions they wondered whether one would get reward for kindness to animals. The Prophet said: "You have a reward for any kindness you do to any living creature."
To sum up, there is nothing wrong with your employment of dogs to guard your farm against intruders who want to steal your crops. You should be kind to those dogs and try as far as possible to keep them away from yourself and your clothes. It is not necessary for one who has a guard dog or a dog for hunting to treat his dog in the same way as Western people treat their pets.
• Donations for building mosques
The mosque in our locality is being rebuilt, but much of the money is received as donations from rich people who acquired their wealth through cheating the government and bribery. What is the Islamic point of view in this matter? Can one stay away from such a mosque and pray at home on grounds that it is built with money earned through non-Islamic ways? Can donations from non-Muslims be used in the construction of a mosque?
What worries me in your question is the sweeping remark that rich people have acquired their wealth through unlawful means. It is not beyond a highly God-fearing man who has a good measure of business acumen to get rich through perfectly legitimate means. While it is true that some people may not have any scruples about cheating the government or bribing officials in order to get some unlawful advantages, we cannot apply the same standards to everybody in a sweeping statement which condemns everyone that gets rich. Among the companions of the Prophet, there were people who managed to become very wealthy and none of them can be accused of having used unlawful means.
When the mosque is built in your locality, to abstain from offering prayer in it is wrong. By doing so, you deprive yourself of an opportunity to congregational prayers. You will be abandoning a duty. Allah tells us to bow down in worship with others who do likewise. That means that congregational prayer is a duty.
The fact that some of the money received for building the mosque may have come from a suspect source is no justification to abstain from attending it. To start with, donations received from Christians and other non-Muslims can be used in the construction of the mosques. That is certainly permissible. Moreover, the committee collecting donations is not required to verify the source of every donation made. What you have to remember is that giving a donation is a separate transaction. The money itself is not contaminated by the process it is earned. Therefore, if I sell a certain item of merchandise to a person who pays the price with money he had stolen or had received as bribery, my earning is perfectly legitimate because I am not responsible to verify his source of income. The same applies to the fund-raising committee for building the mosque. You may say that these people are known to accept or take bribery or whatever, but Islam does not conduct its dealings with individuals or communities on the basis of hearsay.
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