In our part of the world, people argue a great deal whether it is better to be standing up or seated when we pray Allah to grant peace and blessings to Prophet Muhammad. Which position is the correct one?
It is of little consequence whether you are standing up or seated when you make such a prayer. Allah commands us to remember and glorify Him when we are standing up, seated or lying down. It is perfectly acceptable to read the Qur'an in any of these positions. Therefore, it is acceptable to request Allah to grant his blessings to the Prophet in any position [so long as the request is addressed to Allah only]. Moreover, why should this matter be the subject of argument among Muslims? And why do they allow it to divide them the way you describe? [ Why should Muslims prefer one position to the other? Why should Muslims change their position especially when requesting Allah to grant his blessings to the Prophet; shifting from the position they are in? When all positions are equally acceptable, the change or preference of one position over the other is something alien and that would make it unacceptable.]
All of us love the Prophet and know that Allah wants us to follow his example. Indeed, that is the proper demonstration of loving him. We do not demonstrate our love for him by quarreling over a matter of detail, but we do show our love by following his guidance.
• Dutifulness: Definition of an un-dutiful childWhat is the definition of an un-dutiful son? Can a father claim the money which his son earns. Can he take it away without his son's consent?
Islam considers it a grave sin for a son or a daughter to mistreat their parents. This is something well known in Muslim societies, where children are taught that to be dutiful to their parents is one important way which they cannot do without to earn Allah's pleasure and to be admitted into heaven in the Hereafter.
Dutiful can be divided into two main aspects: Kind treatment and financial support. A son is supposed to show respect to his father and mother, in public and private and in all situations. He should speak to them kindly, never raise his voice in anger when he speaks to them and indeed never say the slightest word which expresses disgust or contempt or lack of appreciation. If he goes out with his father, he must never take precedence over him, regardless of their respective social positions. He must take care to show him maximum respect in public. He should be civil to his father's friends and must be kind to his relatives with whom he has no connection except through his parents. We can perhaps summarize that by saying that if the father does not hesitate to accompany his son on his business or social activity on account of his son's treatment, then the son is doing right.
If one's parents are in need of financial support, then it is obligatory on the part of their children to give them support. In an Islamic state, any judge, or the ruler, can order a son to pay maintenance to his parents. What he should pay is according to his means. If he considers his parents part of his own family and provides for them in the same way as he provides for himself, his wife and his own children, then he has discharged his duties by them. If he gives them more, it is better for him because that is a sure way to earn reward from Allah. If a son's support is slow in coming, then it is permissible for his father or mother to take of his own money, without his consent, in order to cover their reasonable expenses. They must not take more than what they need in a fair manner. For example, if one's mother is ill and her son does not take her to a doctor or buy her the medicine she needs when he is able to do so, then she or his father can take the money needed for medical consultation and to buy the prescribed medicine, even if their son objects, provided that they have no money of their own. If a son discharges his duties toward his parents willingly, providing such reasonable financial support for them, then they cannot take away his money without his consent. If he refuses them that, then he is not un-dutiful.
For example, if a father who has no money of his own feels that he needs to invite some of his friends to dinner because he had been invited earlier and the extra expense this represents does not overburden his son, then the son should cover that expense because it is considered socially acceptable and reasonable. If, on the other hand, the son is of limited means and the extra expense has an adverse effect on the family finances for that week, then he is not un-dutiful if he refuses to pay the money necessary for the invitation. He should, however, reason with his father kindly, explaining the situation and assuring his father that in different circumstances he would have provided the necessary money most willingly. In this way, the father would not feel aggrieved and the son would not have to carry an extra burden.
• Dutifulness: How dutiful can you be?
My parents were very poor; they struggled hard to finance my education. My father's situation now is rather comfortable with a reasonable pension and some income from a piece of land. When I started my job here, I paid off all my father's debt. He, however, continues to waste his money on gambling, lottery tickets and other forbidden things. My mother also overspends, often buying unnecessary things. This always leads to their falling in debt. Am I required to pay off their never-ending debts? If I help them, will I be accountable for using money to pay for forbidden purposes?
You are to be congratulated on your dutiful attitude. Your worry about the present situation is also understandable. You do not wish to be party to an action which you know to be forbidden. On the other hand, you do not wish to see your parents committing things for which they will be accountable to Allah. On the other hand, you have your own responsibilities to look after your wife and children. What you have to do in this situation is to try to strike the right balance. In order to achieve that, you have to be very clear in your mind about a few very important elements.
The way Allah has spoken about being dutiful to one's parents makes this duty so important that only when parents ask their children to deny Allah or to associate partners with him that they must not be obeyed. Furthermore, no one may be obeyed in what constitutes disobedience to Allah. But even in such a case when a parent is a confirmed disbeliever, kindness to him is urged by Allah. Allah says in the Qur'an:
"If they (your parents) endeavor to make you associate with Me as partners, things which your mind cannot accept as divine, do not obey them; but even then bear them company in this world with kindness, and follow the path of those who turn towards Me" (31:15).
Asma' bint Abu-Bakr, the Prophet's sister-in-law, reports: "My mother came to visit me during the lifetime of Allah's messenger when she was still a polytheist. I went to the Prophet and asked him: My mother has come to visit me and she wants some help. Should I be kind to her? The Prophet said: Yes, be kind to your mother" (related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
Your own needs and commitments have to be given due priority. A person in your position who has a wife and children must look after them properly. He must not sacrifice their interests in order to bail off a father who wastes his money on gambling. A bachelor who is in need of marriage should continue to save some money for his future, even though his parents ask him for more than he gives them. This particularly applies in a situation like yours where the parents have enough to cater for their basic needs.
In the light of the foregoing, your way should be very clear. You must continue to be kind to your parents and try to please them. At the same time, you must encourage them to stop their unacceptable habits. You should not forget that their habits might be a reaction to their early days when they were very poor. Now that they have some money in their hands, they want to enjoy it in whatever way they can. Unfortunately, this enjoyment is landing them in a difficult situation. Therefore, you must always remind them that in order to make their situation even more comfortable, they should thank Allah and show gratitude to Him by using what He has given them in a way which is acceptable to Him.
There is nothing wrong in helping them. You will not be party to their guilt if you help them wisely. You do not wish to see your father overburdened by debt, or chased by creditors. You may help him indirectly, by paying off some of his debts without his knowledge. You ask his creditors not to advance more credit to him, as a condition of your payment of their outstanding debts. Try as much as you can to make your father hold a respectable position in his community, without landing himself into problems. But if he asks you to give him some money to spend on forbidden things, then do not give it to him. If he says to you, for example, give me ten Riyals to buy a lottery ticket, then you should not give that money to him. Instead, if you know that he has bought some necessary articles, as meat or other provisions, on credit, you go and pay off that debt. In this way, you know that you are helping your father in his legitimate practices. [There may be yet other situations. Your father may demand ad-hoc money for expenses, and then spend part of it in ways that are unacceptable to Allah. You cannot exercise control over this. You should counsel your father against the evils of such spending. Your manner should be polite and that of a dutiful son. That is all that is required of you.] May Allah reward you for your attitude.
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