Death: How Long Can Burial Be Delayed?

If a mother dies in one's home country while the son is working abroad, how long may the burial be delayed to wait for the son's arrival? You may wish to take into consideration that, in some cases, to obtain leave and a return visa may take a few days.

The general rule is that the earlier the burial takes place the better it is for the deceased, the family and all concerned. It is important to realize that death signifies the transfer of a person from one world and one life to another. This means that when the spirit departs from the body, it moves to the world of spirits, of which we know nothing other than what God has chosen to inform us. Only the lifeless body of the deceased person remains, which is bound to decay unless it is buried. No one wishes to allow the body of a dear relative to change and start to decay for any whimsical reason.

There may be a need to delay burial in certain situations. Suppose a post-mortem is needed to establish the cause of death and ascertain that there was no crime committed to bring about the death of the deceased. In this case, it is perfectly appropriate to delay the burial until the post-mortem has been carried out and the tests needed have been completed.

The reason the reader has mentioned does not constitute a valid reason for delaying the burial. It is merely an emotional situation coupled with social tradition. From the Islamic point of view, if a few people attend the funeral and the Janazah prayer is offered for the deceased, that is all that need be done. The son, if abroad, may offer the Janazah prayer in his own place of residence, making his intention to offer it in absentia, or what we may call 'Salat-ul-Ghaeb'. He may also pray for the mother's forgiveness at the place where he is living. God accepts whatever prayer he says, for his mother, if He so wills, and its reward is credited to her by God's grace. The only thing that remains is that the son cannot attend the funeral in person. That is not necessary from the Islamic point of view.

Moreover, it may be more sorrowful for him that he should be delaying the burial, and then to travel all the way home to see the body of his mother. It may be kinder to him that the burial should take place in his absence. Dutifulness to his mother is not demonstrated by attending her funeral when there is a great distance separating him from the place of her death. It is demonstrated by what he does after her death to increase her reward.

It is a non-Muslim tradition, particularly Western that a funeral is arranged a few days after the death, to allow friends and relatives to attend it. Muslims must not do that. If they do, they prefer non-Islamic traditions to Islamic ones. That is not right. ~

Death: Loss of a Child

I lost my 20-year-old sister in a kitchen fire. Although it has been sometime since her death, my father is still unable to overcome his grief. He still cries a lot and wants to use the money he had saved for her wedding in order to build a mosque. What do you think we should do in order to overcome his grief?

The loss of a child is very difficult to appreciate by others. No matter how much you feel the loss of your sister, it is totally different for your parents. While such loss is very grave when the son or daughter is still a young child, it is felt much more keenly when they die in their prime, as in this case. I am not surprised that your father is in such grief.

A scholar of high repute who lost his daughter in a case of political assassination wrote that it took him four years to mention her name.

All this is natural and the acute feeling differs from one person to another. As long as this is confined to feelings, there is no harm in that. Crying provides an outlet for one's grief and helps overcome the negative effects of suppressed feelings.

You need not argue with your father about these expressions. What you need to do is to help him to channel his grief into something positive connected with his deceased daughter.

The idea of building a mosque with the money he had earmarked for her is good if it does not affect his other commitments. Starting the project and being positively involved in its execution could be very beneficial for him. If the mosque is built in a village where there is urgent need for it, the reward could be greater.

What also helps is to remind your father that when one accepts any calamity with resignation, and bears its effects with patience, God increases his reward for it. In order to help him to do that, you should remind him that in many cases like this, death is the better alternative for the deceased. If you compare death in a fire with surviving with extensive burns, death may be easier to bear.

In such a situation, one could feel God's mercy in the death of a loved one. You also say that your father is always reading the Qur'an. You may suggest to him that when he finishes his recitation, he should dedicate the reward to his departed daughter. Gradually, he may come to think of her being admitted to heaven and he will join her there, God willing.


Death: Marital Status after Wife's Death

People say that when one's wife dies, the marriage no longer exists. Face uncovered? Some people say that it is not permissible. Please comment.

From the legal point of view, the marriage is over when either spouse dies. Yet this does not negate the relationship that existed between the couple. It remains permissible for the husband to see the body of his deceased wife, or for the wife to see her deceased husband. In fact, he may wash her in preparation for burial, if no women are available to undertake the task.


Death: Observing Traditions after Death

People who come from certain countries observe certain traditions after the death of someone in the community. For example, after the burial, a few dozen people assemble in the deceased's home where they take part in reading the Qur'an in full, each reading a part, and having food. Similar observations are made on the third day, and every Thursday for several weeks, and on the 40th day, with food being placed in the middle. Are these observations Islamic?

Unfortunately such traditions have become common in many Muslim countries, with some variations here or there. They are mixed with Islamic practices, which are simple and straightforward. For example, Islam encourages neighbors to look after the deceased's family, sparing them the need to cook or buy food, in the immediate period after their bereavement. It also requires neighbors, relatives, friends and the community at large to offer their condolences to the deceased's family, visiting them in the first three days and when meeting them later. As many people, as it is feasible should take part in the funeral, offering prayers for the deceased. Afterward, the family of the deceased should be looked after, with their affairs put on a reasonably sound footing.

Unfortunately, these requirements have come to be associated with observations that may appear to be caring and sympathetic, but are sometimes a burden to the family. There is no requirement or recommendation to read the Qur'an in full after the burial, but we may, or indeed should pray God to bestow His mercy on the deceased and forgive him or her their sins. Nothing of the traditional observations you have mentioned on the particular days, whether Thursdays or 3rd, 10th or 40th day is recommended or encouraged by Islam. They are all deviation from Islamic practice. A relative may wish to gift the reward of a Qur'anic recitation to the deceased, or may offer the pilgrimage or the Umrah or a charitable donation, i.e. Sadaqah, to the deceased. To do so, he does such an action with the clear intention that he is doing it on the deceased's behalf and praying God to credit its reward to the deceased. This can be done at any time, and in whatever measure the person doing it finds reasonable. A recitation of the Qur'an could be one page, or one Surah, or more; it does not have to be the whole of the Qur'an. A charity could be very small or generous, according to the person's means. Such actions may be done at any time, not necessarily on particular days or anniversaries.

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