When the Prophet's last son died, he was in tears, and he said: "An eye may be tearful, and a heart may be full of grief, and we are certainly sad to have to lose you, Ibrahim."

That your tears would hurt your deceased mother is not true. How would they when she has no way of knowing that you are in tears for her loss? But what you should guard against is lamenting her departure with wails and words which may not be acceptable from the Islamic point of view. Such wailing and lamenting is forbidden because it goes beyond the expression of sorrow to saying things that are often untrue, in addition to putting up a show that does not fit with the concept of accepting God's will.

There is no harm in visiting the grave of your mother, provided that you do not make a scene of your sorrow. If you 'talk to her', as you do, then I have to tell you that she cannot hear what you say. God says in the Qur'an: "You cannot make those in the graves hear what you say."

What you should do is to pray to God as often as possible for your mother, and appeal to Him to have mercy on your mother and to forgive her whatever mistakes she might have done during her life, and to give her a higher position in heaven. When you do that, you will feel that you are doing something to benefit her.

The Prophet, peace be upon him, says: "When a human being dies, all his (or her) actions come to an end, except in one of three ways: A continuing act of charity, or a useful contribution to knowledge, or a dutiful child who prays to God for him." You may also benefit your mother by offering the Umrah or pilgrimage, or giving sadaqah, or by reading the Qur'an and requesting to credit the reward of your recitation to her.

As you are aware, man is made of the combination of spirit and body. As long as they are united, he is alive. Once the spirit departs from the body, that human being dies. What causes this separation is Allah's will, since He has given each one of us a specific life duration, at the end of which we die. It is to be expected that the departure of the spirit from the body may be associated with pain which is different from the pain one experiences during an illness. No one, however, can describe this pain, since those who die do not return to this life. We have a Hadith from which we infer that the experience of this separation varies according to whether or not the dying person is a believer. Abu Hurairah quotes the Prophet as saying: "When a believer is about to die, the angels come to him with a white sheet of silk and say: Come out, good soul, well pleased and well pleasing to a world of mercy and roses and to meet a Lord who is not displeased. It comes out with an odor which is more pleasant than musk. The angels hand him over one to the other until they get him to the door of heaven where its angels say: What a pleasant smell has come to you from earth. They bring him over to meet the spirits of believers who are more joyful to meet him than any one of you when he meets a dear relative who has come back after a long absence. When a disbeliever is about to die, the angels who administer torture come to him with rugs and say: Come out, you spirit, displeased to receive divine punishment. It comes out smelling like a most rotten corpse and they take it to the earth gate where the angels say: What a rotten soul. Then they throw him with the spirits of disbelievers. Related by Al Nassaie, and by Muslim in an abridged form.

Let me point out, however, that suffering extreme anguish at the time of death is not indicative of any judgment on the person concerned. It must never be assumed that a person who dies a very calm and peaceful death is in a position of favor, or that a person who suffers much anguish is in a position of disfavor. The Prophet himself endured much pain at the time of his death. This has made Lady Aisha say: "I do not envy anyone a peaceful death after having seen what God's Messenger has endured" (Related by Al Bukhari).

We certainly try to get a dying person to say the "kalimah", or repeat the declaration that he or she believes in the Oneness of Allah and in the message of Muhammad, peace be upon him. As for putting honey on the lips of a dying person, this is something that I know nothing of. As for the rest of your questions, I think the best answer is to quote you this authentic Hadith: "Anas quotes the Prophet as saying: When a deceased person is placed in his grave and his relatives and friends leave, he hears the sound of their shoes. Two angels come to him and sit him up and question him. They ask him: What was your view of this man, Muhammad? If the person was a believer, he would say: I bear witness that he is Allah's servant and Messenger. They say to him: Look at your position which you would have had in hell, Allah has replaced it for you with a position in heaven. He sees both positions. When a disbeliever or a hypocrite is asked what used to be his view of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, he would answer: I do not know. I used to say what other people said. The two angels say to him: May you never know and never tell. He is then struck with an iron hammer in between his ears. He makes a cry which is heard by all creatures with the exception of human beings and jinn." (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Let me first of all say that there is no time limit for burial. Islam does not say that a dead person should be buried within a particular number of hours or days after the death has occurred. Having said that, it is well-known that it is more appropriate from the Islamic point of view to bury a person as soon as possible after his death. Burial is not to be delayed unnecessarily. When it is feared that the body of a deceased person could begin to decompose, preparation for burial should be started with maximum speed. On the other hand, if there is a valid reason for a delay of burial, then this is acceptable. Such delay may be necessary if a crime is suspected. A coroner may require a postmortem to be carried out in order to determine the cause of death. This will inevitably delay burial, but this is certainly acceptable. It is not acceptable, on the other hand, to delay burial in order to wait for someone to join the funeral. Such considerations are of little value from the Islamic outlook.