• Istikharah: Appeal for God’s guidance
1. A few years back I proposed to marry a young lady whom I had known for sometime, and her parents were agreeable to the marriage, but they preferred to wait until I had finished my studies and got a job abroad. However, I started to invest in business concerns while I was studying, but unfortunately both made heavy losses, and I failed in my final examination. I was in no position to get married and I told her family of the facts. Now I have cleared much of my debts and I am thinking again of marrying her, as we are very much in love. She is prepared to wait for me. The problem is that my parents have spoken about my marriage with a relative of mine whom I do not fancy as my wife. I am in a dilemma and I would be grateful for your advice. Is it appropriate to do the Istikharah, offering two rakah of voluntary prayer and writing two options and drawing one of them?
2. After praying Istikharah, we have been swinging from one end to the other in negotiations concerning a proposed marriage. One moment we seem close to finalization, and the next moment the whole matter seems about to fall apart. How are we to interpret God’s guidance in this case?
1. My clear advice to you is to marry that girl as soon as you can. She has been waiting for you for eight years and she has sacrificed much for your sake. You do not pay her back by abandoning her after she must have missed many chances of good marriage in order to be married to you. Besides, you have promised her that you would do so when she put to you the question in very clear terms. Muslims do not go back on their promises. You have to honor that promise.The fact that your parents are planning your marriage with a relative of yours should not be allowed to stand in your way. You have to inform your parents that you do not wish to marry that relative of yours. Do this now, when the question of your actual marriage is being discussed. If necessary, write to that relative of yours and tell her that you do not see a chance of the two of you getting married, as you are committed to someone else.
Your parents cannot force you to be married to someone whom you do not wish to marry. You will not be disobedient or undutiful if you approach the situation in clear manner. You do not need to involve the girl you wish to marry at this stage. Keep her out of the discussion for the time being so that your parents realize that you are only objecting to marrying your relative because you do not like her to be your wife. Be kind to them when you tell them that.
I do not see a reason for doing the Istikharah now, as the case should be approached on its merits. Breaking a promise without a compelling reason is not permissible. You do not seek God’s help to do what He does not permit. Besides, the Istikharah is not done in the manner you have mentioned. Istikharah means to seek God’s help in choosing between alternatives that are unclear, or that involve results that cannot be determined. You pray two voluntary rak’ahs and then say a supplication seeking God’s help in making the right choice. You then let the matter resolve itself. If you find within you that you are happier with a particular choice, you take that. If you find that things are moving easily in one direction, you let them move and take what comes easily,
You do not draw one of two paper, because that is not Istikharah. That is drawing lots, which is permissible but has nothing to do with Istikharah.
2. [To the second reader] how is one to know what course to follow after Istikharah? There are different ways. Some people see in their dreams some indication, which makes it clear that a particular course of action is likely to bring good results, or to be attended with serious risks, etc. However, this is less likely sort of guidance. A more direct one is that a person feels within himself that a particular choice is more promising. He may consult someone and that person gives him a very good reasons why he should choose that action and not its alternative.
A third way is that things would move easily in favor of a particular choice. He should let matters happen trusting that what comes without much effort is the choice God has made for him.
In your case, things were flowing and ebbing. How much of that flow is due to your own efforts? Had you left matters to move without impediment, would they have flowed more easily, or would they have ebbed more drastically? If you feel that without effort on your part the negotiations would have broken down long time ago, then God has given you guidance but you have been resisting it. If you feel that with a little more flexibility on your part things would have been brought to a clear conclusion, then again you should allow that flexibility and let the conclusion be reached.]
On the other hand, if the other side is putting one impediment after another, then the guidance is clear and you should abandon the whole proposal. [You must remember that through Istikharah you are seeking guidance of God and not His support for your particular choice only.] I hope I have given you a clear answer.
• Istikharah: Seeking guidance from Allah on a difficult taskMost people in our country say that the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, used to do the Istikharah in order to know God's will before every task he used to perform. Many people do the same particularly in serious matters such as accepting a marriage proposal, etc. Some people object to this. People also say that if one has done the prayer of Istikharah, he should sleep after it. Whatever he dreams after that should indicate for him the way to follow. I find it difficult to interpret my dreams. Could you please guide us how to know God's will for a critical problem we are facing?
Whenever a person faces a difficult choice, he is strongly recommended to do the Istikharah. The aim of Istikharah is to make an appeal to God to guide us in choosing what is appropriate for us. It is not to know His will, because His will on future matters will not be known now. It is simply a request for guidance. The Prophet's companions have reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him, used to teach them to do the Istikharah before any serious matter.
The benefit we derive is the peace of mind, knowing that the matters, however they turn up, will be to our benefit. The choice has not been made by us but by God who knows what is good for us. Even when things turn out to be unpleasant, we should realize that by doing Istikharah we have actually chosen the better alternative. Had we not done it, matters would have been even worse.
The Istikharah may be done at any time, starting with two voluntary rak'ahs, followed by a supplication which goes as follows: "My Lord, I seek Your guidance according to Your knowledge and seek Your support according to Your ability; for You are able and I am not, and You know while I do not, and You certainly are the One Who knows all things. My Lord, if You know that this particular matter (here the thing in question should be specified in words) is good for me in this present life and helpful to my faith and useful for the present and the future, then facilitate it for me and guide me to accept it, and make it blessed for me. My Lord, if You know that this matter (here it should be mentioned again) is bad for me in this life, unhelpful in my faith and of no use to my present and future, then take it away from me and turn me away from it, and facilitate what is good for me whatever it is and make me accept it willingly."
When one has done this prayer and supplication, one should stop worrying about what choice he should make. He has requested God to choose the better thing for him, so he should let things happen, rather than he should make them. Whatever God facilitates for him, then it is the right thing for him. If he prefers one alternative and finds it beset with problems, he should turn away from it. He should know, then, that God has not made it easy because it is the worse alternative. The better alternative is the one that comes to him easily. Some people suggest that one should see in his dream something to indicate an alternative. If he does, well and good. Yet most people do not have such a dream after offering special prayer, or they may have a dream that does not suggest any choice. If not, they should rely on what is facilitated rather than on the dream which may not be forthcoming or may not be suggesting a definite course.
• Ittaqo Allah: Correct definition of
What does 'Ittaqo Allah' mean? The term is often translated as "fear God". Do people worship God and do good deeds out of their love to Him or because they fear Him?
The Arabic term "taqwa", the root from which the verb you have mentioned is derived, means "to be on one's guard" or "to ward off" something that is unpleasant or has some bad or evil associations. When the term is used in a way which refers to God, then the warding off is immediately understood to refer to "incurring His wrath". Thus, we should always fear displeasing God and doing what incurs His displeasure. This is because we expose ourselves to His punishment which is too severe indeed. What Muslims should actually guard against is doing what God has forbidden them, for that is certainly evil. God has forbidden us only what is harmful and what is evil. The translation of 'Ittaqo Allah' as "fear God" is, as you say, rather inadequate, but it is probably the best that translators can do, considering the associations which each language gives to its terms.
If you want the best explanation of the term 'Ittaqo Allah' then I refer you to Verses 4 and 5 of the second surah of the Qur'an. These may be translated as follows:
"This is the Book, no doubt: a guidance to the God-fearing, who believe in the unseen, attend to their prayers, and spend in charity a part of what We have provided them with; who believe in what has been revealed to you as well as what has been revealed before your time and have firm belief in the hereafter. It is these who follow their Lord's guidance; it is these who shall surely prosper." Surah Al-Baqarah(2) Verse 4-5.
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