When you have broken your oath the first time, you have committed an offense, but the oath itself is no longer valid. You need a new oath to make it binding on you to refrain from whatever action you have specified. This means that one atonement only is needed for that oath. The atonement is to feed ten poor people or to give them clothes. If a person cannot afford that, then he should fast for three days. [If it so suits him,] his fasting may include Friday, provided he fasts either Thursday or Saturday with it.

This question is related to the very basic concept of the Islamic faith. It has much to do with the very meaning of the word "Islam". The name is derived from the root verb "aslama" which means "to give up; surrender; to yield." The same verb "aslama", is used to denote that a person has employed Islam. Within the Islamic context, the word means to submit. Islam, therefore, means submission to Allah, which is pure, genuine and total. When a person declares "there is no deity save Allah", he is basically saying that he submits to no one other than Allah. The second part of the declaration: "Muhammad, peace be upon him, is Allah's messenger", means a commitment to accept legislation only when it comes through the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.

This has far reaching practical implications. To start with, submission to Allah means a willing commitment to implement Allah's laws. It is not possible to imagine that a person who declares that he has submitted to Allah continues, at the same time, to violate His laws. If he does, his very actions belie his declaration. Hence, a Muslim tries all the time to steer away from any action which represents disobedience to Allah.

Moreover, man's submission to Allah should demonstrate itself in special types of action which man should not have undertaken if it was not for the purpose of emphasizing that he has submitted himself to Allah. These are the acts of worship a Muslim is required to perform regularly. Who would have fasted from dawn to dusk, allowing himself nothing to eat or drink — day after day for a whole month — if it were not for pleasing Allah? You need only to look at pilgrimage to realize how much Islamic worship emphasizes dedication to Allah and total surrender to Him. The same applies to prayer and zakah.

Islam, however, does not differentiate between pure acts of worship and other actions. In everything a human being does, a good intention must be present and a good purpose need to be served. When this condition is fulfilled, every action becomes an act of worship. When you read the Qur'an, you are surprised at the number of times you notice that orders which concern worship are given in midst of the discussion of matters of day-to-day life. In the surah entitled "The Cow", or "Al-Baqarah", we read Allah's instructions to attend regularly to prayers right in the middle of a long passage which speaks about the provisions of divorce, marriage and breast-feeding. The instructions regarding ablution and prayer are given in Surah 5, immediately after a long passage dealing with what Muslims are allowed to eat. This emphasizes the fact that Islam looks at both types of action, worship and human, in the same light. Any action which is intended for a good purpose earns reward from Allah. Perhaps the clearest example can be given by quoting the Hadith in which the Prophet is quoted to have said: "When one of you fulfills his sexual desire, he is rewarded." His companions wondered: "Is any of us to be rewarded for the fulfillment of a physical desire?" The Prophet answered: "Since he is punished for fulfilling it in an illegitimate way, he is to be rewarded for fulfilling it in the way Allah permits." What is required to achieve this is the proper intention. Therefore, when a man takes his wife to bed, he should have the right intention, such as helping himself and his wife to maintain their chastity or hoping to have a child for whom they will make an effort to bring up as a good Muslim.

We have so far emphasized that submission to Allah is translated into practice through obedience to Him. Now the question arises whether obeying people such as one's parents, teachers, friends, or the government, constitutes worship. No simple answer can be given to this question. Many are the Qur'anic verses and pronouncements by the Prophet which make it absolutely clear that dutifulness to one's parents is a duty of every Muslim. Anyone who disobeys his parents, without good reason, is disobedient to Allah. Again, a Muslim must obey the ruler of his Muslim state. We have the instructions given to us by the Prophet: "A Muslim servant of Allah is required to show obedience, as long as he is not ordered to commit a violation of Allah's laws." This means in effect that to obey one's parents and to obey the Muslim ruler is part of obeying Allah. Hence, it cannot be described as worship. When you obey your parents, you are not worshipping them. There is, however, one proviso: obeying human beings cannot be absolute. You have to take every order separately, examine it and make sure that, when you carry it out, you are not disobeying Allah. The Prophet states absolutely clearly: "No creature may be obeyed in what constitutes disobedience to the Creator."

You often find people who are required to carry out laws and instructions of their superiors protesting that they have no say in the way they carry out their duties. In some countries, an official may say, "I am only serving the boss." In other countries, a junior official may say, "I am only following the orders I am given." From the Islamic point of view, such excuses are not acceptable. If the order given to a junior official represents disobedience to Allah, he must not carry that out. If he does, he is a partner in disobeying Allah. If the order means injustice, he has his share of doing injustice.

When such blind obedience to human beings is carried a little further, it borders on worship or it may indeed be a manifestation of worship. This is certainly the case when a person obeys willingly the orders of others, regardless of their position, knowing that these orders are contrary to Allah's commandments. In such a case, there is no pressure on him to obey. He does not feel himself obliged or compelled to obey. But he may have an interest in obeying, such as hoping to achieve a promotion in his job or securing a financial or moral advantage. In such a case, his obedience is not only sinful, but it is a form of worship.

This is illustrated most clearly by the Hadith which mentions that when Hatim ibn Addiy, a former Christian who became a companion of the Prophet, heard the Qur'anic verse which states of Christians and Jews: "They have taken their rabbis and their monks, as well as the Christ, son of Mary, for their lords beside Allah, although they had been bidden to worship none but the One God, save Whom there is no deity" (9;31). Hatim protested to the Prophet, saying: "They did not worship them" (meaning their monks and rabbis). The Prophet said, "They (meaning the monks and rabbis) made lawful to them what Allah has made unlawful, and prohibited what Allah has made lawful, and they obeyed them. This is how they worshipped them."

The first point which I would like to make in answering this question is that every son and daughter are required to be kind to their parents and to ensure that their wishes are properly observed or complied with, as far as that is practical, useful or beneficial. Whatever a son or a daughter can do to please their parents, they should do, provided that does not involve any disobedience to God or injustice to other people. God has emphasized that kindness to parents is one of the most important qualities of believers. He says in the Qur'an: "Your Lord has ordained that you shall worship none other than Him; and that you be kind to your parents. Should one of them, or both, attain to old age in your care, never say 'ugh' to them or scold them but always speak to them with reverence, and spread over them humbly the wings of your tenderness, and say: 'My Lord, bestow Your grace on them, even as they cherished and reared me when I was a child'." (17;23-24). Kindness to parents is mentioned as a duty of believers several times in the Qur'an. There are many Hadiths which encourage us to be very kind to our parents.

However, such kindness does not require a son or a daughter to obey his parents whatever they may require of him. Suppose that a father asks his son to tell a lie, give a false testimony, or drink or do something forbidden. If the son complies with his father's wish, then he commits a sin which will not be less grave simply because he is carrying out his father's orders. The Prophet says: "No creature may be obeyed in what constitutes disobedience to the Creator." That applies even in simple matters. Suppose a father arrives from abroad, having bought a bottle of some expensive alcoholic drink and he asks his son to deliver it to a friend or a neighbor. If his son complies with his wishes and simply takes the bottle to the person concerned, he commits a sin, because carrying an intoxicating drink to someone who will drink it is forbidden. The son must refuse to obey his father in such a situation.

Parents are also responsible for what they demand of their children. It is not right of a father to require his son or daughter to do something that is contrary to Islamic principles, relying on the fact that his son or daughter should obey him. Indeed if the father does that, he fails in his duty to help his children choose only what Islam approves. Not only so, but he forfeits his rights to be obeyed by his children.

We must differentiate here between two things. Being kind to parents and total obedience to them. Obedience must be discriminating. We obey our parents only in what is right and what is calculated to please God. But we should be kind to them in all situations. God says that if parents try hard to persuade their son to associate partners with God, then he must not obey them, but he should "bear them company in this world's life with kindness" (31;115). When the Prophet was told by one of his lady companions that her mother, a non-believer, had come to visit her, he told her: "Be kind to your mother." Such kindness may not go as far as disobeying God for a parent's sake.

In this particular case, when a father is asking his son to divorce his wife, what should the son do? The first thing to remember is that just as he has obligations toward his parents, he has obligations to his wife too. The Prophet has enjoined us to be very kind to our women. He says: "Take good care of women." Even on his deathbed, the Prophet continued to enjoin his followers to be kindly to women. He has also told us: "The best among you are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives." This statement is highly important as it sets a rule and gives it a practical application. It is not an ideal situation that the Prophet is describing, but he is telling us that when we try hard to be good to our wives, then we are following his example.

The first thing about taking good care of women and being kind to them is to ensure that we do not do them any injustice. There is no doubt that a man who divorces his wife without a valid reason may very well be guilty of doing injustice to her. Hence, he must be very careful lest he actually does her that injustice. If his father demands that he divorces her, and the divorce involves such injustice, then his father's request involves disobedience to God. Moreover, he must weigh up his duty to be kindly to his father and his other duty to be kind to his wife.

In the case of my reader, his father gives the example of the Prophet Ibrahim when he advised his son, the Prophet Ismail, to divorce his wife. I am afraid that his father is wrong when citing this example because he is implying that it is within the authority of the father to give his son such instruction and expect it to be acted upon. I have already explained that not every order by a parent need to be obeyed and I have made it clear that a son is responsible for his actions even though he is complying with a parent's order. Perhaps it is useful to remind ourselves here of the story of Ibrahim and his daughter-in-law. According to an authentic Hadith, related by Al-Bukhari, Ibrahim visited his son, when Ismail was out on his business. He spoke to his daughter-in-law who did not know his relationship to her husband. He asked how they were and she started complaining, saying that they were going through hard times and went on complaining. Ibrahim then told her to give his greetings to her husband when he returned home and tell him to change his doorstep. Ismail understood his father's recommendation and divorced his wife. Later Ibrahim paid a second visit to Ismail and met his new wife when Ismail was away. When he asked her how they were, she praised God for His blessings and said that they were having plenty. Ibrahim asked her what they ate and drank, and she answered that they had meat to eat and water to drink. He prayed God to bless what they had and told her to greet her husband on his behalf and to tell him to retain his doorstep. In neither case was Ibrahim making his recommendation on the basis of personal like or dislike of the woman concerned.

He felt in the first case that a woman who complains to any stranger and tells him about their hardship is not a good wife. Certainly she was not the one to give support to her husband when he needed to fulfill his task as a prophet and a messenger, as Ismail was later to become. Indeed, a wife who complains to every stranger or passerby is certainly not a good wife to any husband. In short, Ibrahim was looking after his son's interest.

My reader's father has certainly different grounds for his request. He complains that his daughter-in-law does not obey him. But my reader seems very reluctant to carry out his father's request probably because he sympathizes with his wife. Maybe the father is asking too much or mistreating his daughter-in-law. My advice to my reader is that he must not divorce his wife without a valid reason. At the same time, he should try to be as kind to his father as possible and to explain to him that it is his own responsibility to be fair to his wife and to take good care of her. Breaking up a family is not a simple matter that is taken at someone else's behest, even though that someone is one's own father. If he feels or suspects that his father is unfair to his wife, then he must certainly support her, trying all the time not to offend his father.

I will conclude with this little story. Some years back, a man came to one of my teachers and put to him this very same question. His father wanted him to divorce his wife, citing the example of the Prophet Ibrahim. My teacher told him: If your father is as God-fearing as the Prophet Ibrahim and if he has attained the same knowledge of what is good and what is bad and what is likely to please God and what causes His anger, then you should comply his wishes in the same way as the Prophet Ismail complied with his father's. All our readers may learn something from this answer.