1. My husband and I went on pilgrimage 10 years ago, taking with us our very young daughter. At the time, I knew very little about religion, and I had to take care of the child while performing the duties of pilgrimage. I feel I want to do the pilgrimage again, particularly since I have learnt much about Islam. My husband, however, refused to let me go with my sister and her husband, saying that the pilgrimage is a duty once in a lifetime. Yet we are spending much on holidays, food, clothes, etc. We have had several difficulties lately: could this be a punishment from God for my husband’s refusal to let me do the pilgrimage? My husband gives me an allowance for my own expenses. If I save some of this and use it for pilgrimage, is that acceptable?
2. If a person has a chance to perform the pilgrimage for the second time, is it better to offer it as a voluntary pilgrimage of his own, or to do it on behalf of his parents who live far away and have no money to fund their travel?
The first point to clarify is that your difficulties are not a punishment from God for your husband’s attitude. God may punish people in this life for their sins, and your husband’s refusal to go on pilgrimage or to support your pilgrimage is no sin, because it is a voluntary pilgrimage, or Sunnah. The duty of pilgrimage is once in a lifetime, and both of you have done that. So, where is the sin in not going again? Everyone may have difficulties, because our life on earth is a test, which we have to pass. This test may involve difficulties and hardship or affluence and blessings.
What you need to do is to make your husband understand that pilgrimage could be offered as voluntary, or Sunnah, in the same way as the Sunnah prayers, which we may offer every day. It is a method to get our past sins wiped out. Every one needs that, regardless of how good they are. Your husband appears through your letter to be a good person, devoted to his family and kind to his relatives. He may earn great reward from God for that, but doing the pilgrimage every few years is also a great act of submission to God, for which you stand to earn great reward.
If you save from your allowance and pay for the expenses of your and his pilgrimage, this will be a great act for which he may be indebted to you.
2. It is perfectly appropriate for anyone to do a voluntary pilgrimage after one has done his obligatory one. The reward from God is generous indeed. However, because of the great crowds seen these days at pilgrimage, it is recommended not to do the pilgrimage more than once in five years, except when personal circumstances require. To do the pilgrimage on behalf of parents at home is appropriate, when one’s father or mother is physically unable to do the pilgrimage. A woman told the Prophet, peace be upon him, that her father has reached an age when he could not hold himself properly on his mount. “Could I do the pilgrimage on his behalf,” she asked. The Prophet, peace be upon him, told her to do so. This is a physical disability that was unlikely to change.
If the lack of ability is financial, that is, if the parents have no money of their own to pay for their pilgrimage, then they are exempt from this duty. If they die without doing the pilgrimage, then they have not missed out on it, because they do not meet the condition of ability, which is essential for the pilgrimage to become a duty. Therefore, the son is not bound to do their pilgrimage when they are alive. If they have died and the pilgrimage was not a duty in their case, the son could still do it on their behalf. If they are alive, then their son does a great act of dutifulness, if he pays for their pilgrimage. In this case, he should send them money to buy their plane tickets [and other payments as necessary], and still act as their host when they arrive to do their pilgrimage. ~
Could you please explain whether the restriction on sex with one’s wife during the pilgrimage extends for any length of time after the completion of this duty. Some people suggest that this restriction continues for a week after the pilgrimage or the Umrah are over
One of the restrictions that apply during the period when one is in a state of consecration or Ihram is that one must refrain from sex with one’s wife, or a woman with her husband. It is well known that when we travel to Makkah for pilgrimage or Umrah, we must enter into the state of consecration at a certain point on our way. We continue in this state until we have completed the Umrah, or the duties of pilgrimage that become due on the day of sacrifice. During this time, men may not wear ordinary or tailored clothes, and no pilgrim may wear perfume, or kill game animals, even for food. Similarly, sex with one’s wife is not allowed. But when one is released from the state of consecration, all these restrictions end. There is no extension of any restriction beyond the performance of the relevant duty.
I must add a word of caution, because the release from Ihram in pilgrimage is done in two stages. The first stage occurs on the completion of the two duties of stoning at the Jamrah and shaving one’s head or cutting one’s hair. Both duties are due on the day of sacrifice. When they have been done, a pilgrim may relax all the restrictions associated with the state of Ihram except those relating to sex. This remaining restriction is relaxed only after the performance of the tawaf of Ifadah, which also becomes due on that day. Thus, if one completes these three duties, one is released from all restrictions. This means that he may have intercourse with his wife although the pilgrimage is not complete yet.
We intend to do the pilgrimage in the Tamattu method, but we will do the Umrah one-week before the time of pilgrimage. We intend to come back to our home in Yanbu and then travel on Dhul-Hajjah for pilgrimage. I would like to make sure of the following points. Do we have to do tawaf again after entering into Ihram for pilgrimage? If not, should we proceed to Mina directly? Can we delay stoning at the Jamrah until 5 p.m. on 10th Dhul-Hajjah, and then do the sacrifice, shave our heads and release ourselves from Ihram? Can we delay the tawaf of Ifadah until 11th Dhul-Hajjah? Do we have to do the Sai’e after we complete the tawaf of Ifadah on 11th Dhul-Hajjah and the tawaf of farewell on the 12th Dhul-Hajjah. All these arrangements are intended in order to avoid the rush and overcrowding.
When you do the pilgrimage and the Umrah in the Tamattu method, which is the one recommended by the Prophet, peace be upon him, you separate the Umrah and complete it as soon as you arrive in Makkah. You then resume normal life conditions until 8th Dhul-Hajjah, when you have to start again on your pilgrimage. When you enter into Ihram, or consecration, for the pilgrimage, the tawaf you did for Umrah is counted as your tawaf of arrival. You do not have to do a new tawaf of arrival. Even though you have traveled back home, the same regulation applies. So you may proceed to Mina directly for your pilgrimage.
It is better to do the stoning at the Jamrah early, but if you fear the over crowding, you may delay it. You have to remember that the timing for stoning on the first day is from sunrise till sunset. The Prophet, peace be upon him, was being asked questions on the day of sacrifice when a man asked, “I have done my stoning before sunset?” The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, “There is no harm in that.” (Related by Al-Bukhari)
If the stoning is delayed further than that and the night has fallen, then it is permissible to do the stoning at night, provided that the delay was for a valid reason. However, the Hanbali school of thought does not approve of stoning at night. It prefers that if one has missed the stoning during the day then he does it the following day at the time of stoning. It is good to remember that the stoning on the following day starts at noon. Nowadays, with the congestion and crowding at the Jamrahs being too heavy, people may avail of the concession and do the stoning when they can avoid the rush. Women should ask their men companions to do the stoning on their behalf.
If you delay the stoning till the evening, you need not delay the sacrifice and the shaving of your head, or cutting your hair. The four duties required on 10th Dhul-Hajjah may be done in any order. These are the stoning, the sacrifice, tawaf of Ifadah and shaving one’s head or cutting one’s hair. The Prophet, peace be upon him, was asked by his companions about every possible permutation in the order of discharging these duties. To all questions he answered that the suggested permutation was appropriate. He approved all possible permutations. Thus, one can start with the tawaf of Ifadah before the stoning, or the shaving before the stoning, or the sacrifice before any of these, etc. Releasing oneself from Ihram may be done when one has completed 2 of the three duties of stoning, tawaf and shaving. The sacrifice has nothing to do with the release from Ihram. This release is the first release, which cancels all restrictions except sex with one’s wife. This last restriction is relaxed only after the tawaf of Ifadah is completed.
The tawaf of Ifadah may be offered on any day after 10th Dhul-Hajjah, although offering it that day is preferable. However, the numbers of pilgrims these days make it necessary that some of them delay this major task of pilgrimage. It may be offered during the next three days or even later than that, preferably not later than the end of the month of Dhul-Hajjah. The tawaf of Ifadah is a duty of pilgrimage that must be done. If it is omitted, it cannot be compensated in any way. [The restriction on sex with one’s wife stands. If you have gone back then you have to come back and fulfill this task before sex is validated.]
When you do the tawaf of Ifadah, you have to follow it with a Sai’e between the two hills of Al-Safa and Al-Marwah. This Sai’e is for pilgrimage, while the Sai’e you did for Umrah is for that duty. Thus, you do one Sai’e for each duty. There is no Sai’e after the tawaf of farewell. May God facilitate your pilgrimage and reward you well. ~