What I can understand from this letter and the other details is that the woman made her confession on her own accord. There was no pressure on her to do so, and there was no sudden discovery of the affair by the husband or anyone else. In other words, she could have continued with that sort of behavior feeling that she was unlikely to be exposed. Her conscience might have troubled her a great deal or her faith might have prompted her to make that confession and to repent. If that is the case, then we should remember that Islam lays much emphasis on repentance of sin. Whenever a person realizes that he has erred, he should always turn to God in sincere repentance, plead for forgiveness and resolve to maintain a path of total obedience to God in all situations. Islam does not make any great demands of a person who has slipped into error, committed one or more of the cardinal sins, if that person sincerely wants to mend his ways and seek a life of obedience. All that is required is an honest resolve not to go back to sinful ways, a declaration of repentance and a prayer for forgiveness.

It was in this spirit that the woman's husband was ready to accept her repentance. When she confessed to him that she has had an affair with a man, he recognized that she was sincere in her repentance.

That is the reason for his acceptance of her pledges. If he is sure that she can live up to her promises and lead a proper Islamic life, then he will be rewarded by God for helping her move back to the path of obeying God in all situations. It is a general requirement that Islam makes of the Muslim community to help one another stay within the framework of what is acceptable to Islam. This applies more particularly to a husband and wife. Their special and intimate relationship gives them a great opportunity to strengthen each other's resolve to be always obedient to God and avoid what incurs His anger. If this husband knows that his wife has really made a firm resolve to mend her ways, then he is strongly recommended to help her maintain that path.

What worries me is that, having chosen the right approach and having extended a helping hand to his wife to return to the path of goodness, he is now having doubts. He first asks whether it is acceptable from the Islamic point of view that he should forgive his wife. What is more acceptable than forgiving a repenting sinner? One wonders whether he doubts her sincerity in what she has declared to him. What I would like to point out to him is that he must act only on the basis of evidence. If there is no tangible evidence that she is still committing the type of error she confessed to have committed, then he has to try to dispel his doubts. One must never allow his attitude to be dictated by doubts. He should always try to be certain of his position, certain that the measures he adopts fit the situation he is dealing with and certain that he is not doing injustice to anyone. He must never act on mere suspicion.

On the other hand, if there are fair indications that she has not really mended her ways, and these indications clearly point out that her confession was merely a trick, or a device to avoid being found out, then it is time for him to take proper action. The first thing he must do is to try to be certain of his wife's position. If the evidence is clear that she is still misbehaving, then he should divorce her. But that is as far as he, as an individual, can go to remedy the situation.

The husband seems to wonder whether it is his responsibility to punish his wife for what she had done in the past. Let me tell him very clearly that Islam is not keen at all on enforcing punishment, even in a case where guilt is evident, though not properly confirmed. For example, if a person goes to a judge in a country which implements Islamic law and admits to having committed adultery, the judge will question him about his confession. It is the responsibility of the judge to establish that the man knows what he is admitting to have committed, and that he is of sound mind. When he has established that, he then orders the enforcement of the punishment. However, the person himself may withdraw his confession at any time. If he does, then no punishment is enforced.

At the time of the Prophet, a man admitted to having committed adultery. When the Prophet ascertained that the man did really commit that offense and that his confession was clear and given sincerely, he ordered that the man be stoned to death, which is the punishment for adultery. When the people were stoning him, the man tried to escape.

When the Prophet was told that people chased him and continued the punishment, he said to them: "Would it not have been better for you to leave him."

The point is that punishment is seen by Islam as a deterrent. Its enforcement is not an objective. Therefore, the Prophet advises his followers: "Anyone who commits something of this filth should seek the cover of secrecy extended by God. If he comes to us with a confession, we must enforce punishment."

It is clear that when the offense is established in accordance with Islamic requirements, which normally has two methods — either a free confession or an appropriate testimony by a specified number of witnesses — enforcement of the punishment is not a matter of choice. A Muslim ruler must enforce it. If he does not, then he is guilty of disobeying God.

In respect of adultery, the punishment of stoning to death is applicable only to a married adulterer or an adulteress, who has committed the offense of adultery, which means sexual intercourse. Anything less than that does not incur that punishment. Moreover, any doubt about the person having committed the offense is sufficient as a reason for not enforcing the punishment. Indeed, the Prophet tells us not to enforce a specified punishment once there is a doubt concerning the evidence which seeks to prove the offense.

My criticism of the practice you have described which involves that children or young people bow and touch the feet of their parents or elders as a gesture of respect remains valid. This gesture can easily be construed as a gesture of worship. Any practice which may give such an impression is not permissible in Islam.

Your question seeks a clarification on whether such a practice may not be compared to the angels' bowing before Adam or Yousuf’s brothers and parents bowing to him. I am afraid the analogy does not hold good. To start with, the angels prostrated themselves before Adam because they were commanded to do so by Allah Himself. The angels do not disobey Allah. Indeed, they do whatever Allah bids them. Hence, their prostration in front of Adam was not a matter of choice. It was not a gesture of worship, a gesture of recognition of any position. It was simply a demonstration of their obedience to Allah in all situations. If you have any evidence which suggests that Allah wants you to prostrate yourself in front of your parents, you may do so. Since you have no such clear instruction, you may do only what Islam says and bow in front of nobody at all. You only bow to Allah and no one else.

I am afraid your brother's argument is rather lacking in accuracy. He suggests that the three degrees of respect are peculiar to your language, when the three words he has used to identify them are Arabic ones. Indeed, Arabic uses all three terms for exactly the same meanings you have described. Hence, to suggest that in Arabic we have only two degrees and to make this a reason for confusion over a very serious matter is not valid.

However, let us consider this argument for a moment. He suggests that a certain group of people are entitled to a position in between respect and worship, which he calls "Taazim". This is a claim which requires supporting evidence from the Qur'an or Sunnah. Placing such people in this grade and claiming that they deserve a particular position and treatment can have one of two possibilities. It can be claimed to be a matter required by Islamic faith and, in this case, it has to have clear basis in the teachings of Islam. Anyone who makes such a claim has to prove it with evidence from the Qur'an or the Sunnah. Alternatively, this is merely a concept which is not related to Islamic teachings. If so, anyone who makes such a claim should not press it on other Muslims. This is because he would be pressing a concept of his own making and claiming that it is part of our religion. The Prophet tells us that anyone who invents anything in Islam, something which is not part of it, shall have it rejected. I can tell you very clearly that there is no statement in the Qur'an or the Hadith which suggests that any person should be treated in a special way to give him a place above other people. Hence, the only alternative is that it is an invention and every invention is to be rejected.

Moreover, to speak of a rank in between that of Allah and that of ordinary human being is not something new. The pagan Arabs in Makkah claimed such a position for the idols they worshipped. The Qur'an tells us that they used to claim that they only worshipped those idols so that they could benefit them by drawing them closer to Allah. That did not make them anything but idolaters. The Qur'an denounces their attitude and describes them as idolaters who associate partners with Allah. Therefore, when people claim such a position for other people and consider that those latter ones have some sort of privilege which enables them to improve the position of others with Allah, they are actually claiming for them a position of partnership with Allah. This is not acceptable in any way.

Moreover, why should people insist on glorifying certain other people? What do they gain by such glorification? The fact is that when people attend the death anniversary of someone who is claimed to be a saint, they come out at the end of that function feeling satisfied with themselves, because they consider that they have done something which pleases Allah. The opposite is true. They have done something which displeases Allah and they should feel very unhappy with themselves. If people want to please Him, they have to make sure what actions do please Him. Since He has sent a messenger to mankind to show them the way to gain His pleasure, then they should look up to that messenger in order to know what to do. Earning Allah's pleasure can only be achieved by following the practice of His messenger, Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. He did not tell us to assign a grade of "Taazim" or glorification to any group of people. If we do so, then we are introducing into the faith of Islam something that is alien to it. This is not acceptable to Allah at all. Allah accepts only what He has approved, either through revelations in the Qur'an or clear instructions by the Prophet. Your brother's argument does not rely on any evidence of either type. As such it is to be rejected.