I certainly appreciate your problem, which can be seen to be very acute if your income is not sufficient to provide for such a large extended family. You seem to be the only breadwinner for both your own family and your father's new family. That can really be a real burden on anyone. In a truly Islamic state, help would be forthcoming either through the zakah system or the social security system of which zakah is the major component.

Your conflict is really between looking after your own children and looking after your half-sisters who are probably of the same age as your children. Some scholars hold it that your wife, father and your children have the first claim on you. Others do not put sisters in any secondary degree, they put them in the same grade with your wife, father and children. I am more inclined to this view which Imam Ibn Hazm summarizes in the following paragraph:

"It is obligatory on everyone, man or woman, grownup or young, that he begins with his own essentials which are absolutely necessary, such as food and clothing, according to his needs. After that, everyone may be compelled to support those who do not have money of their own and have no income to support themselves, be they their parents, grandparents or even higher, sons and daughters and their children and their grandchildren and brothers, sisters and wives. All these are considered equal in as far as he is obliged to support them. None of them can take precedence over another, even though this may mean that what he will leave behind [after] his death will be very little. They, however, need to help each other in reducing his burden. If he is left with nothing after securing his own basic needs, he is not obliged to support anyone of these whom we have mentioned. But if he supports them all, providing them with food and clothing, and he is left with something extra, he is compelled to support those of his close relatives and heirs who have nothing of their own and have no jobs to support themselves. These are paternal uncles and aunts, maternal uncles and aunts, even though they may be of a higher degree than his immediate ones as well as his nephews and nieces as far as they may go.

"What is meant by heirs are those of his relatives who have claim to a share of his inheritance which cannot be superseded by anyone else. If they are superseded by other heirs, and their shares are thus taken over by others, then he has no obligation to support them.

"If any of the above falls ill, he is also obliged to look after them and provide for their nursing. If any of these is able to earn a living, through whatever type of work, even though it may be menial, they forfeit their claim to be supported, with the exception of parents, grandparents and wives. A man is required to do what he can to spare these relatives the need to do any menial job."

This is what Imam ibn Hazm says and it is well supported by firm evidence. Many scholars agree with most of what he has said, although some of them assign particular grading for these relatives.

Tariq ibn Abdullah Al-Muharibi reports: "We came into Madinah to find Allah's messenger, peace be upon him, standing on the pulpit addressing his companions and saying: The one who gives has the upper hand. Start with those whom you have to support; your mother and father, sister and brothers, then the nearest, then the nearer (of your relatives)." In another Hadith, related by Abu Dawood, the Prophet is quoted to have given this guidance with regard to whom one is obliged to support: "Your mother and father and sister and brother, then your relative who is near of kin; (this is) a binding duty and a relationship that is preserved."

Hind bint Utbah, Abu Sufian’s wife, complained to the Prophet that her husband was stingy. She asked him whether she could take of his money without his knowledge. The Prophet said: "Take what is reasonably sufficient for yourself and your children." This Hadith indicates that one's wife and children are treated at the same level.

In the Qur'an, we read this verse which may be rendered in translation as follows: "Mothers may suckle their children for two whole years; (that is) for those who wish to complete the suckling. The father of the child is responsible to provide in a fair manner for their sustenance and clothing. No human being shall be burdened beyond what he can reasonably bear. Neither shall a mother be allowed to cause her child to suffer nor shall a father cause his child to suffer. The same is also the obligation of the heir." (2;233) You realize from this Qur'anic verse that the obligation of the heir is imposed by Allah. This obligation follows a general Islamic principle which attaches obligations to benefits. If someone stands to benefit by what may happen to another, then he is obliged to help him when he is in need of help. The principle states: "Benefit is related to obligation."

Applying this principle, I will give you this hypothetical example. Say, if 15 years hence, one of your half-sisters gets married to a rich man. Now suppose that after two or three months of her marriage, she is traveling with her husband in a car when they are involved in an accident. Her husband is killed instantly and she receives serious injuries, and is taken to a hospital. Suppose, that two or three weeks later she dies. In this situation, she would inherit one quarter of her husband's wealth if he has no children by another marriage. The same amount in addition to whatever she owns will then be inherited by her father, if he is still alive, her four sisters and yourself. Your entitlement to a share of her inheritance is not affected by the degree of intimacy between you. You may be reared in the same house and see each other every day and every night, or you may be living in two different countries and you see each other once every few years. I hope you realize that this principle which attaches obligations to benefit is most fair. Since Islam has regulated the system of inheritance to its finest detail, it also has made obligations to look after poor relatives well defined. You are certainly in an unfortunate position in the sense that there is a big gap between yourself and your sisters and that you are the only son of your mother. This makes you the only supporter of two families. But if your income is sufficient to help you to look after both families, then you have to fulfill your obligation. Let me tell you that when you do this, Allah is certain to help you and your children. Even if you have to spend all that you earn in order to provide the minimum respectable living to all your dependents, you should not despair. May I remind you that none of us is sure how long we may live. Everyone of us with children always wonder what may happen to them if we meet an early death. Let me tell you that the best one to whom we may trust our young ones is Allah, their Lord who created them. In your case, if you look well after your father and young sisters, you should not worry that you are not making any savings. If something should happen to you, you should trust Allah to look after your children. He will certainly send them someone to look after them as he has caused you to look after your helpless young half-sisters.

Islam attaches much importance to the accuracy of family relationship. It tolerates no deliberate confusion of parenthood and threatens with severe punishment any person who tries to confuse such relationship. If you consider the reasons for the requirement that a divorced woman or a widow observe a waiting period during which she may not be married to anyone, you will find that the main reason for that requirement is to ascertain whether the woman is pregnant or not. Indeed, Islam does not allow a man to divorce his wife if he has had intercourse with her during her present period of cleanliness from menstruation. They must wait until she has had her next period, so that the divorce can take place at the beginning of her waiting period. If it is discovered later that she is pregnant, her waiting period extends until she has given birth. This last ruling also applies to widows, who have to observe a waiting period which extends normally to four months and ten days. However, if the widow is pregnant, she must give birth before her waiting period is over. The reason for that is to leave no room for confusion about the parenthood of that child and to preserve the child's right either to be brought up by the father if he divorces the mother, or to have his share of inheritance if his father has died.

Similarly, Islam has forbidden adoption whereby a married couple claim that they are the parents of a child which is not theirs. This again ensures that the rights of inheritance are preserved. In countries which permit adoption, an adopted child is given a share of inheritance of the couple adopting him. He can have no claim to any share of the inheritance of his real parents or other members of his real family. While this may be to the benefit of the child in many cases, it is not necessarily so. Moreover, this situation affects the rights of other heirs of the adopting parents. In Islam, when a man or a woman dies, leaving behind no child of their own, their estate goes to other heirs defined by the Islamic system of inheritance. Some of these would not be heirs at all, if the deceased person had a child of his or her own. Moreover, this confused situation affects the rights of the adopting parents. It is well known that Islam lays down rules for mutual family solidarity. When a person is guilty of accidental killing, as could happen these days if he causes a car accident, he is required to pay blood money to the family of the victim. If he cannot afford that, his heirs must come to his help. They are required by Islamic rules to contribute to the blood money. If he deprives some of his heirs of their share by adopting a child, he deprives himself of his right to call on them to help him in such a case. All the foregoing explains some of the reasons for the importance Islam attaches to preserving accurate family relations.

Surrogate motherhood is a term which defines a process where a woman carries a child for the benefit of a childless couple. First a process of artificial insemination is carried out to help. The sperm of a man's fertile egg is implanted in the uterus of the other woman who goes through a natural period of pregnancy for a fee she receives from the couple. A contract is drawn whereby she forgoes all her claims to the child. At the end of the pregnancy, she delivers the child under the supervision of the doctors involved in the process and the child is given to the couple. There have been cases when the surrogate mother made claims to the child and courts of the United States have looked into these claims at one time or another.

There is no doubt that this process creates confusion about the parenthood of the child. We need go no further than the question put by our reader, asking whether the surrogate mother can be considered a third parent. His question arises from what he says about her having no genetic link with the child. It may be so, but she certainly has a very strong link with a baby whom she carried inside her for nine months, giving it the same nourishment as every pregnant woman gives to her fetus.

This process is not acceptable from the Islamic point of view. Muslim scholars who have considered the new techniques that are utilized to help women get pregnant have ruled that such techniques may be permissible only when they involve a married couple. No one else should be involved. That means that a test-tube baby may be permissible to have if the egg of the wife is fertilized by the sperm of her husband and then the fertilized egg is implanted in her, not in any other woman. When a third party is involved, as in the case of surrogate motherhood, the process is forbidden.

Steering away from all such confusion is much better for everyone. Every married couple should remember that it is Allah alone who determines whether to bestow on them the grace of having children and also determines whether their children shall be boys only or girls only or a mixture of both. Again, He is the One to determine whether they remain childless. Acceptance of His decision is the mark of true faith.

This is a question which can be answered in a few sentences. However, I feel that it raises a number of points which merit a more relaxed discussion.

The first is which religious duties are applicable to children. As you are well aware, the imposition of duties is closely related, from the Islamic point of view, to the concept of reckoning and reward in the hereafter. Obviously, the concept of reward or punishment being dependent on the fulfillment or negligence of duty presupposes not merely the availability of choice but also the ability to choose. This ability depends on the degree of maturity a person attains before he makes his choice. In Islam, religious duties do not apply, for example, to a person who is insane. Consequently, reward and punishment cannot be applicable to him. Similarly, children who have not yet attained the age of puberty are not answerable for the fulfillment of any Islamic duty.

A child remains a child, and his or her sense of duty is not mature enough until adolescence. Even the adolescents vary in their maturity and ability to judge and choose. However, there must always be a dividing line which separates one stage from another. With regard to the applicability of religious duties, this dividing line is considered the attainment of puberty. What this means in effect is that no Muslim child is required to observe the duty of fasting in Ramadhan before he or she attains puberty. If he offers the pilgrimage, he is rewarded for it, but that does not fulfill the pilgrimage duty which becomes applicable to him after he has attained puberty. This applies to all duties and prohibitions. If a child commits something forbidden, he is not punished for it in the same way as an adult. He may be reproached or even punished, (depending on the violation of which he is guilty), but the level of punishment is not the same as that of an adult who is guilty of the same violation.

Having said that, I should add that we must always strive to bring up our children in such a way that helps them fulfill their Islamic duties when these become applicable to them. It is for this reason that the Prophet teaches us that we must get our children to start offering prayer when they are seven. When they become ten, we may punish them for neglecting prayer. We should also train them to fast so that when fasting becomes required of them they do not find it too hard. This again applies to the wide spectrum of Islamic duties. We should inculcate in our children all proper Islamic values so that they develop a good Islamic sense which helps them to always choose the Islamic way.

A Muslim parent should always try to establish a good balance between these two considerations. While trying to inculcate in his children the love of Islamic values and duties, he should not impose on them a rigid attitude which may cause them to associate the fact that they are Muslims with being deprived of certain pleasures. The fact is that most social activities are permissible in Islam, although there may be certain restrictions on how they are used. For example, swimming is not merely permissible but also required to be taught to children. Yet, communal swimming when men and women use a beach or a swimming pool at the same time, wearing only swimming costumes, is forbidden. But when men and women use the swimming pool separately and they observe Islamic values, there is nothing wrong with their swimming.

The Prophet describes this religion of Islam as "easy". Allah has not made it so in order that people do not find it too difficult to implement. He says: "This religion is made facile, therefore approach it gently. No one will try to pull this religion toward rigidity without being defeated." When you examine religious duties and requirements you are bound to conclude that ease is the very characteristic of this faith. Rigidity is alien to it. Nevertheless, people continue to impose too many restrictions on themselves and their families, oblivious of the fact that rigidity is more likely to be counter-productive.

I knew a very good person who was studying in Europe, and who had two young daughters, aged eight and six. Wherever they went, his daughters were wearing the full Islamic dress required of adult Muslim women. I spoke to him about this and suggested that the young girls may find their dress too much of a burden. He explained that he wanted them to get used to dress in Islamic way. My discussion with him was unproductive. I tried hard to persuade him that he exposed his family to the danger of his daughters becoming rebellious when they grow older, feeling that the rigidity to which they had been exposed in their childhood has deprived them of many childhood pleasures.Maintaining a balanced view, I do not think that there is anything wrong with your five-year-old learning swimming with a co-ed class of her age group. Attending a gymnastic class may be very useful as well. You should not forget that the Prophet has emphasized that swimming is an art we should teach to our children. There is nothing in the Hadith which indicates that this is limited to boys. A girl may benefit much by learning swimming.

However, you should begin to make her gradually aware that a grown up woman must never wear a swimming costume in front of men. When she is closer to the age of puberty, you can make sure that she never swims except in a 'woman-only' surrounding.