The adoption by a woman of her husband's family name when she marries him is a token of her being subordinate to him. Historically speaking, a woman was in a position of total subordination to her husband.

The first thing to say is that there is no minimum duration for the postnatal discharge, but it has a maximum which is 40 days. Lady Umm Salamah, the Prophet's wife said: "During the Prophet's time, a new mother stayed for 40 days." (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim and others). Al-Tirmithi comments: "All scholars among the Prophet's companions and their successors agree that a new mother does not pray for 40 days unless she stops bleeding before that. In this case, she should take a shower and pray. Should she continue to bleed after 40 days, the majority of scholars agree that she continues to pray." It is also well known that a woman does not fast when she is in her menstruation period or during the period of postnatal bleeding. However, she is required to make up for missed fasting but she does not need to make up for her missed prayers. A woman named Mu'athah asked Lady Aisha, the Prophet's wife: "Why does a woman fast in place of the days she misses during her menstruation but does not offer her missed prayers?" She answered: "We used to have that during the time of the Prophet and we were ordered to make up missed fasting but we were not required to make up for the missed prayers?" (Related by all six). In both situations of menstruation and postnatal discharge, sexual intercourse is forbidden, but not play with one's husband, provided it is away from the woman's private parts.

To sum up, a new mother must not pray or fast during her postnatal bleeding. If she does, then her fasting and prayer are not valid. She will still need to fast an equal number of days to those when she cannot fast, because her fasting during this period is of no value. As we have said previously, it is not necessary that the compensatory fasting should be on consecutive days. She may choose to fast one day at a time, and may delay her fasting until the winter when the days are cooler and shorter.

This is a separate issue from the case of a pregnant or a nursing woman. Such a woman may not fast, but she should feed a poor person in compensation. This is the view of Ibn Abbas and Ibn Umar, two of the leading authoritative scholars among the Prophet's companions. Ibn Abbas is reported to have said of the feeding of a poor person in place of fasting: "This is a concession granted to elderly people who find fasting too difficult. They may not fast provided they feed a poor person for every day they do not fast. The same applies to pregnant or nursing women, if they fear for the pregnancy or the newborn child. They need not fast provided they feed a poor person".

Ibn Abbas is reported to have said to a pregnant woman in his household: "You are in the same position of [an old] person who finds fasting much too difficult. You may compensate by feeding, and you need not make up the fasting." Ibn Umar was asked about a pregnant woman fearing for her child and he said: "She need not fast, and she feeds a poor person with a measure of wheat." The measure is roughly half a kilogram.

We say that this is a separate question from one concerning postnatal period because it applies to a woman who has finished that period before the start of Ramadhan. When the two situations overlap, as in the case cited by my reader, then there are two reasons for the woman not to fast, one requiring making up the fasting and the other requiring compensation by feeding. We say that the compensation is sufficient because it is the easier option. So the woman in this case should feed a poor person two meals for every day of Ramadhan she did not fast, which is the whole month. I cannot tell her how much a meal costs. This should be of the average type of food she has at home. So it may vary from one woman to another according to the type of food she takes. I wish to add that this question is often linked to the woman fearing for her child or for herself. That was a reasonable assumption for scholars to make in the early generation of Islam when they [used to] say that a nursing woman who fasts may fall unconscious or may grow thinner everyday. We now know that the demands pregnancy or breast-feeding make on the body of the woman are too heavy.

It seems to me that your problem can easily be solved if everyone involved shows a willingness to cooperate and accommodate the desires of the other. There is no reason to stop you completing your studies after getting married to this gentleman, if he is truly a suitable husband. You will not be the first nor the last student to be married during her course of study. You put the two choices as if they were mutually exclusive when they are not. There may be some reasons which have caused you to do so, but which you have not explained in your letter. If it is practically possible for you to get married and complete your studies, then all you have to do is to ask your prospective husband to assure your father that you will complete your degree.

Having said that, I have a suspicion that this is not the real question. What bothers you is your future attitude to any man you may marry, other than the one who has already proposed to you when your thoughts continue to be attached to this particular person. You may feel that you cannot be sincere in your thoughts to your future husband. This is a romantic view of things which we sometimes try to magnify. If we look at things realistically, then we recognize that life does not conform to our thoughts. At times, we value a certain attachment as something so precisely that we cannot survive without it. We may develop a certain friendship to the extent that we become inseparable from our privileged friends. Events may take place to separate us, such as a friend moving with his family to another city or going abroad to pursue his or her studies. When the separation approaches, we view it as an inevitable calamity. A few weeks or months later, we may stop to look at ourselves and we are surprised that we have coped with the separation without difficulty. Your case is the same, if you want to view it realistically. If, however, you want to look at it in a romantic light and you persist with doing so, then you will continue nursing your sense of loss and perpetuating the pain you may feel at the time of the separation. This is something which is largely your own to deal with.

What I have to say is that if this proposal does not lead to marriage, it should not be viewed by you as the end of the world. You should try to overcome the problem and begin to look forward to a happy future. If you are married to someone else later, then you have to do your best to give him what he is entitled to have of your attention, care and love. If he is the right sort of person, you will soon find out that you are more intimately attached to him than you could ever have thought possible. That is the nature of life. Romantic ideas have very little effect in practice. There is nothing in Islam to forbid a long engagement. From the practical point of view, a long engagement is not the ideal thing to do. It may have the advantage of stopping new proposals, but it ushers an unnatural situation. The two fiancés think of each other while they continue to live apart. If this goes on for several years, it may have a negative effect on marriage, since we always try to paint in our minds an idealistic picture of the other party. When this picture has been long in our minds, then marriage takes place and we find that the reality differs from what we have imagined. A difficult process of readjustment is then required. That could involve problems.

From another point of view, if the engagement is short of making the actual contract of marriage, then the two fiancés are not supposed to meet alone, either at home or in public. In other words, a Muslim may not take his fiancé out for a meal, unless they are accompanied by one of her parents or brothers. Some people may object to this saying that a man and a woman who have declared their intention to get married can be trusted to keep themselves within the proper limits if they go out. The answer is simple. To start with, problems may take place and the engagement may be broken. The reputation of the girl should not be blemished by her relationship with her first fiancee. Secondly, Islam lays down these restrictions for the benefit of its followers. The simple fact is that it is wrong to bring together a young man and a young woman, leaving them alone in a cozy, intimate atmosphere and then ask them to struggle with their feelings and passion in order to keep themselves within the Islamic limits. There is no denial that there is mutual attraction between them, and leaving them alone means exposing them to the danger of being overpowered by that mutual attraction.

Islam encourages every parent to provide their children with a good standard of education. That applies equally to boys and girls. It is unfortunate that educational systems nowadays require both sexes to take the same subject. Islam would have made girls' education rather different from that of boys so that it is tailored to help the girls, who are future mothers, to cope with their problems of life. For example, a course of nursing is highly beneficial to every mother. That does not mean that every girl should become a qualified nurse. It means that she should be able to look after her family in a proper way.

When it comes to taking a scholarship abroad, this is subject to the Islamic restriction on women traveling alone. As you realize, Islam does not allow a woman to travel alone even to perform the most important religious duty of pilgrimage. She must be accompanied by her husband or a relative whom she cannot marry. If a Muslim woman observes the standards of propriety then she may pursue her studies in any foreign institute. What is not permissible is to socialize in the way it is practiced in the West. It is definitely less permissible for a girl to stay alone in a foreign county for several years. To say that she is well protected in a students' hostel is unrealistic.

As for the Hadiths to which you have referred, the first one does not seem to be authentic. There is no requirement on parents to bind their children in wedlock when they have attained puberty. Early marriage is certainly preferred by Islam, but marriage is left to the individual to determine its time according to his or her circumstances. Nowadays, only a few men marry before they are twenty. Many do not marry until they are twenty-five or even older. Early marriages are preferred by Islam because they provide a chance to satisfy natural needs in a legitimate way.

It is true that the modern system of education does not allow most people to marry before they have completed their education and started work. In effect this takes them to about twenty-five years of age. Marriage places new responsibilities on both parents and they have to choose the time for taking up these responsibilities according to their circumstances.

What you have mentioned about seeing certain colors in one's dream after praying for Allah's guidance in a certain problem, i.e. the prayer of Istikharah is not correct. None of these colors have any significance. What happens after a prayer of Istikharah is that one finds oneself more inclined to a certain choice. The fact that he has prayed to Allah to help him choose correctly should make him overcome his worry and take the choice which becomes easier or more attractive to him, feeling that Allah will certainly respond to his prayer and give him the choice which is better for him, sparing him the problems of the worse choice.